Counselling

Register

Editor · Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 330

I've noticed that a lot of Anime and gaming fans have SERIOUS issues, I don't mean it in a bad way of course, though that can be easily applied to people in general I suppose. If you have a problem and you need advice, or you like giving it, use this thread to banter.

Please be respectful with eachother and try to be constructive.

Jani_chan · Joined: 23 Aug 2006 Posts: 2685 Location: Enma's bed

Okay. It took me a while to decide whether or not I would actually put my little problem here or not. After much debate (and a few headaches) I figured I would.

I've just graduated High school and am moving out on my own for the first time. This may take some explaining. You see, I'm moving in with my mom. You may not think of that as moving out on your own, but it's really not what you think. My mother is mentally disabled and I'm moving in with her so that I can help take care of her while she's in college. My father and step-mother hate her and the only reason that any of them keep in touch is because of me (as I'm told by my father). I've just told my father and step-mother that I've been planning on moving out for a while (actually they found out because my step-mother was eves-dropping over the phone) and I didn't like the reaction I got. My step-mother flipped out and told me that she'd been planning on making me move out anyway (as though she'd had it planned all along) and my father didn't really say much. When I asked him if he was mad, he didn't even look at me. He only said that he hoped I was making the right decision. I'm afraid that once I'm gone, they won't ever want anything to do with me again. I know that my father will still love me and all, despite the fact that I know I hurt his feelings by not telling him, but the real problem is my step-mother. She doesn't even want my younger sister anywhere near me right now. She normally doesn't care about when my sister's near me and lets her do whatever she wants, but this morning she yelled at my sister for going into my room and didn't even bother to glare at me (which is unusual) as she left the room and closed the door.

In all honesty, I'm not sure if this was questioning for advice or just the need to explain my situation to somebody, but I'm glad I wrote it out, even though I still feel kinda queasy. thx!

Yami no Kaze · Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 8:37 am Post subject:

It doesn't really sound like there's much you can do in this situation.

I can tell you however, that before you leave you really should try to settle things with your father. Unresolved emotions can cause great stress. Even if the outcome is him deciding he doesn't want to speak to you again, it will be much better and easier for you to cope if you each have a clear understanding of what is to happen. It sounds more like he's just upset that you didn't say anything to him, maybe try writing him a letter explaining your feelings and the reason(s) that you didn't and then either sit down and read it together, or ask him to confront you later when he's had time to think. It is emotionally traumatic for most parents to let go of their children, and in a case such as yours in which you're going to your mother, he may feel you're switching sides.

Whatever happens, it's important that you talk to him before you leave. open wounds can't heal if you throw salt in them.
_________________

admin · Site Admin Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 1008

It sounds like a sad situation and all I can do is concur on what Yami no Kaze has said. I think their being a bit unfair allowing their emotions to fog everything instead of just talking with you. But if they are really as hurt as they sound, they are very much so going to hurt once your gone and I think you will defintely haunt their minds for a while. It sounds like you'll stew a bit too, and your very good to consider such a responisiblty. So think about your decision and if you are sure, write a letter as Yami no Kaze as suggested if your family are unappraochable, especially to your father.

I also hope you know what to expect from how things will be taking care of your mother especially with your own pyschological conditions in play. And make sure you have the whole story, or as much of it as possible, because it looks like those sticky family situations with a lot of back history steaming in the background.

I pray you the best of luck and I heart goes out to you, family is an important thing and I hope it works out in the end.
_________________

Admin and Editor for Yami Forums
~Coco Melancholy or ~Coco

Jani_chan · Joined: 23 Aug 2006 Posts: 2685 Location: Enma's bed

I wrote my father an e-mail (because anything else would probably go unnoticed) explaining my feelings and the hope that we can talk. He's told me multiple times that he wants to talk to me about it, but it's hard to find the time to really sit together because of our jobs and the fact that my step-mother has a nasty habit of listening at keyholes (so to speak). We both feel that it would be better to speak without her first so that father and daughter can at least get along, but time is our enemy at this point.

Thank you for spending some time helping me. I appriciate it. And once I get some results, I will tell you how everything's going. You guys are too kind to me. thank you.

Paurie · Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 8:40 am Post subject:

May I begin my ranting? =3 Oh, and Jani_chan, I really suck at trying to help, and I'm so sure it's too late, but I vill give you a hug.

:friggin' hugs: Hugs make people feel better, I believe.

Now... :takes a seat: Y'see, docs, on one of the forums I "live" at, this guy that I don't even know (even as far as posting goes!) just PMs me talking to me as if he knows me. aka A little too friendly. (cree~py!) Being the softie I am, I reply all nice like.

I post up my pic in the "Real life pic" thread, and he starts the PMs again... Telling me I'm hawt. (Duh, I'm gonna put up a pic where I think I look pretty!) He begins to once again get a little too friendly. Flirting and such. I ignore the flirting, but I still reply to the PMs. (I have this thing where I can't be mean... or something... No balls? It sux!)

Recently, he's been asking me if I'd go out with him. ;_; Making remarks in the PMs like " *kisses you all over* " :shudders: He's really begun to freak me out a little.

This is all my fault what with me being nice. (damn you, nice gene!) But not once have I ever flirted back. I've even said that I wouldn't want to go out with him. (Oh, forgot to mention he asked me to marry him on our Realm forum) -_-

:shakes doctors: Whatta I do, he's driving me bonkers!

(I know the whole thing seems silly, sorry.)
_________________

Now look 'ere as the blond doesn't notice the secretary there checking out 'is bum.

Yami no Kaze · Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 11:32 am Post subject:

ahh internet stalker. Tell him straight out (in a nice way first) that you don't like him, and you don't like what he's saying to you and you don't think you should be talking to him anymore. (I'm not sure how old you are, or how old he is, but keep in mind that guys who says things like that are usually either pedos or just have no class...)

Second, put your foot down! If he responds nastily or with more hitting on you (there is a diff, what you described if more of being hit on. Flittying is an ocasional thing and never refers to kissing.) Tell him that if he doesn't stop PMing you, you'll tell a mod or site admin about his conduct. That is under the harrassment/abuse clause in most rules when signing up to forums.

Third: If it gets to a point where he won't stop, and admin won't do anything, tell a parent and have one of them PM him. Also if you can get his first and last name (Without giving him yours) You can look on family watch dog to see if he's listed as a registered sex offender in the united states. If so, deffinately tell a parent.

a lot of these creeps get away with it, and worse every day. The internet should be a place to safely meet people, but it is unfortunatly just like real life. there are good and bad people, and especially since you can't see someone face to face you should ALWAYS be verry careful.

But over all Doc Tsuzuki says to drop him in a big way. ^_~
_________________

Paurie · Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 6:07 pm Post subject:

:makes a strong pose: Kaze-Tsuzuki is right! (rawrs!) Feel the mean, baby.

lol I feel so dirty now, though. XDDD (The way you said some of the things.) I'm 19 and he's 20, but that still doesn't make me feel better.

Also, I think I'll tell a mod if he keeps it up. I honestly forgot that I could do that. X3 I guess I had it in my head that you could only tattle if they were posting it, not PMing.

Thanks. ~^^~
_________________

Now look 'ere as the blond doesn't notice the secretary there checking out 'is bum.

Yami no Kaze · Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 11:26 am Post subject:

^^; don't feel bad about it, it was just that in the off chance you were 14 or something. I hear a lot of things about teenage girls who were being harrassed on like my space or something and you know, the question is, why didn't you tell your parents? and the answer is always "i thought they'd be mad" but it's better to have your parents be mad and ground you than put up with some 45 year old sicko or something.

Razz

while typical of a guy that age *and believe me, i know* it's still just a bit unnerving. one of my friends i refer to as Count or Haku-sama because he's ALWAYS hitting on me. But we met in real life before we started talking on the phone and the web so i know for a fact i'm dealing with a pathetic 23 year old who still thinks he's ten. XD i sound WAY too much like a parent some times. though i spent four years of my life watching my little cousin until she was old enough to go to school, so you can probably understand why i'm a bit maternal sounding in that post. ^^ but yeah, let a mod know and that should be the end of it.
_________________

admin · Site Admin Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 1008

We should like crown Yami no Kaze as official councellor of the forum or something, just like my Libra friend, always good with this stuff. I dearly hope Paurie is able to sort it out. Good luck. Very Happy

_________________

Admin and Editor for Yami Forums
~Coco Melancholy or ~Coco