Falling Apart

Yami no Kaze · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 6:04 am Post subject: Falling Apart

a/n: it's not been a very good year so far. i feel like writing angst or something. soooo this is a short first person pov. as always, written from Hisoka's perspective.

December 31st, 2007

On the cusp of a new year and I have bad feelings about it.

I should be happy right now.

Count has decided to throw an extravigant party.

Usually Tsuzuki would be making my night.

He's funny when he's drunk...well when he's not depressed over some case or other.

But in situations like this he's a blast.

Except that Tsuzuki is the reason Count is throwing the party and I'm alone here on the balcony.

Wakaba disappeared earlier this year and we haven't heard from her since.

I guess...she stopped likeing all of us.

As for Tsuzuki...He's decided he's no longer in love with me.

He ran off with Tatsumi.

Of course we're still very close friends but...well that doesn't really make it easier sometimes.

I had a taste of love and now I've been shoved back into that little cell he found me in.

I overheard Watari.

He was defending me to Tatsumi who'd concluded that I was over reacting.

But what he said hurt me more than it hurt Tatsumi.

"Use and lose."

He said it's a pattern of Tsuzuki's.

He assured me he'd eventually be back...after he remade the round with several of the shinigami I never even realized were gay.

And some who I had thought were.

But we're looking at much too long for me to hang around and pray for.

So I'll just sit back and make the best of it.

Watari...He asked me if I was okay.

I told him yes.

But I'm not.

I'll never be okay.

I'm falling apart and no one here knows or cares enough to find out.

I guess I'll just say that with Tsuzuki, I'm glad for what time we had together, I just wish it could have lasted a little longer than it did.

Everyone tells me Tsuzuki really did love me.

I want to believe that with all the pieces of my shatered heart but...something keeps drawing me back.

Use and lose.

Yes...he used me until he was bored and then he lost me to move on to someone new.

Someone who could do things for him, make love to him.

Things I may never be fully able to do.

Looking towards the closed glass doors I can't see in very well.

Frost has made them a work of art.

And the people within as a moving painting.

Misty shapes twirl and silently laugh.

There is only a small amount of noise comeing from the otherside.

In the distance I see them.

Tsuzuki and Tatsumi.

Tatsumi kisses Tsuzuki in a way he refused me.

I'm hurt and I'm bitter but my heart won't let him go.

A small part of me hopes that one day he will come back.

And I'll do everything in my power to keep him.

Even though I feel that it's an impossible dream.

So I'll just sit here and quietly fall apart.

Hope that someone will notice and put me back together.

Happy New Year.

Hisoka Kurosaki.
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laustic · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 660 Location: Florida

I think this was very well written. I feel so bad for Hisoka. He's just so sad in this piece.

Yami no Kaze · Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 6:17 pm Post subject:

yeah, I put him through so much. XD;; and i'm about to put him through worse.
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laustic · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 660 Location: Florida

But it's so easy to put Hisoka through so much torture. He's that kind of character that you don't won't to put through pain, but you just can't help it.

Yami no Kaze · Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 1:33 pm Post subject:

XD that he is. i sort of connect with him in very odd ways, so torturing him for some very odd reason makes me feel better when i'm in not so good a mood. i also like to push the boundries of his fears of sex and lust. nothing for Hisoka is easy XD and i make sure of that.
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laustic · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 660 Location: Florida

Yami no Kaze · Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 4:46 am Post subject:

lol thanks!

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